I mean I could… but you probably won’t want me on it. I would have to dial in, as I have to leave early to pick my son up from nursery when my husband is away, and at precisely 5.30pm I’ll either be stuck in traffic counting down the minutes til nursery closes, swearing at anyone and everyone who crosses my path.
Or I’ll be waiting at the nursery gates with 5 other parents in the rain, trying to remember the gate code and praying that my husband left the car seat for me before he left to drive down to Devon. When I finally get to the room on time (and I’m now the one who needs the cuddle,) my child will either:
A. Completely ignore me.
B. Cry and cling on to me.
C. Squeeze my cheeks and dribble on/kiss me.
All whilst:
D. Grabbing my glasses, my necklace, my work pass, my hair clip, and rubbing his yoghurt covered fingers on my work clothes and my face.
And then I’ll get in the car, quickly check my inbox, race to get his songs on before he has an “I’ve been at nursery since 7.31am and I’m shattered” strop and try to make it home without him falling fast asleep because then we’ll all be up at about 4.30AM. We’ll then play football in the kitchen, have a snack (because 1 dinner isn’t enough,) have a bath (because he’s covered in mud from head to toe) read a story, get ready for bed, sing some songs and practice our animal noises.
I then think about my own dinner, which I probably won’t bother with, and then I’ll get my laptop out, and catch up on everything I’ve missed.
So unfortunately I’m afraid I’ll have to decline the 5.30 on this occasion, and actually, as a rule, count me out from about 4.45 until 6.45. That is the only time I get with my son in the week and they’re my favourite hours every day. Don’t get me wrong, when it’s time for him to go to bed I’m exhausted and I’m ready to sit down and have a cuppa, but I’m sad to not have his company and I’ll miss him until our whirlwind time together tomorrow. His smile is just my absolute favourite.
It doesn’t mean I’m not an engaged employee, it doesn’t mean I don’t care, it doesn’t mean that I don’t want to push my career and it doesn’t mean that you should promote the person next to me because they are more flexible with their work day and are able to jump on the line.
I used to be able to drop everything. My husband is away a lot with work so no ones ever really expected me back by a certain time. (I just realised that sounded like I could drop my husband, that’s certainly not part of the short term plan.) If something came up at 10am or 5pm I could stay and get it sorted and I wouldn’t need to think twice about it.
I wouldn’t stop until it was done and that made me feel like I was achieving. On my way to or from work, I’d go to the gym. I’d blow off some steam or get ready for the day ahead. Now my aim is to get to Birmingham International on time and with no remnants of my child’s breakfast. It used to be annoying (but didn’t really matter) if there was a traffic jam or the train was delayed. It only effected me and I just made it up a different time. Now it really effects my day and there’s a tiny little boy who relies on me, so I have to manage my work day to minimise the impact of that. I’m writing this on the 7.20 train. It means I get in to the office at 8.15. It means I can leave at 4.15 to make it back in time for pick up and I can work for an hour on the way there and an hour on the way home and work in the evening if I need to.
It’s hard not to feel disconnected and behind the pace when your day is a little different. It’s hard not to feel deflated when the person in the office with no commitments at home replies to a message that you could have answered but are changing a nappy instead.
My company are incredibly supportive. I feel like the most important thing is our wellbeing and if we get the work done they support us and find a way of making it work for us. Without their approach I don’t think I could be back full time. I couldn’t even decline the 5.30 meeting because the lady organising it realised it was my day for nursery pick up, so agreed to cover my part and uninvited me before I had chance to have to try and explain why I wouldn’t be there.
Having a family was our decision and going back to work full time was our decision too. This isn’t me complaining, I wouldn’t change any part of that for the World. It’s a juggling nuance that you have to find your own path through and it’s absolutely fine most the time.
But if you happen to sit next to a working Mum (or Dad) or there’s someone in your team that has a different working pattern to you for whatever their personal reason, don’t judge them for it and support them through it. If they can’t make a 5.30, ask if they can catch up at 9.30 over a nice warm coffee (trust me they’ll love you forever) or suggest a meeting close at 4.00 rather than 5.00 so they’re not worried they’ll be letting you down.
Work life balance is important for everyone. It’s not just parents who have commitments outside of work, and I’m not asking for special treatment just because I chose to be a working Mum. But if really knowing the people you work with leads to happier, healthier and more productive work relationships, trust me on behalf of all working Mums out there that they’d love to be on the call, and they’d love to be sharing their thoughts, but their little baby at home will always come first, and they’re just a little preoccupied trying to work out what the hell a Ninky Nonk is at that time, and they’ll catch up with you as soon as they can.
Working Mum tip no.18 – Don’t ever feel guilty about not being able to make a meeting because it’s time to pick up your little baby. There are some things in life that are way more important and that dribbly cuddle when they see you is always the best.
Written by Lisa Hill, to follow her blog go here.
