Leading psychologist and author shares her five step approach to conquering your 2021 goals.
Failing spectacularly could be the best thing to happen to you in 2021 according to psychologist, coach and author Kirsty Lucinda Allan, who is urging people to approach this new year with a big pinch of irony.
Kirsty, author of Ironic Fundamentalism: A Journey from Anxiety to Enlightenment, believes that one of the keys to making positive changes and achieving our goals in 2021 is to understand that our failures, anxiety and self-limiting beliefs could actually hold the key to unlocking our own unique superpowers.
She explains: “These days New Year’s resolutions have become a bit of a running joke we flock to the gym, buy the diet books, make a pledge to go dry for January and then it all comes crashing down a few weeks later when we revert back to the old status quo.
“If this sounds familiar then it is time to approach 2021 with a brand new, and often ironic, mindset. Here is my ‘What If’ approach to your new year’s goals.
Failure Is Success
“There are a number of reasons why our New Year’s resolutions so often fail but in fact, I believe that this failure is ironically the first step to our longer-term success.
“Let’s start by focusing in on the concept of failure. Have you ever considered the fact that failure doesn’t actually exist as a thing … and what you perceive as failure is just the pathway to success. It’s the tries, the effort, the faith. It’s okay to make the wrong choices – reaching a goal is an iterative process that takes trial and error. It’s important to remember that when we try something and don’t succeed the first time, this does not mean that the ‘can do’ thought was wrong – it is actually your assumption that everything must happen first time or straight away that is incorrect.
“Rather than setting your new year’s goals against a back drop of self-limiting beliefs and fear of failure, how about accepting the road blocks and obstacles that may come your way are ironically part of your journey to long term success.
Be careful what you wish for
“Once you’ve accepted that failure shouldn’t be feared, the next step is to be careful what you wish for.
“One of the reasons why our new year goals so often fall at the first hurdle is that we fixate on the wrong thing. It is important to be clear on what it is you actually want to achieve because we create what we focus on, not necessarily what we desire.
“For example, desiring to ‘lose weight’ is ironically, still focussing on the concept of and emotion of having excess weight. Focusing instead on feeling wonderful in your body as a healthier version of you, removing all thoughts and feelings around weight, and you will be far more likely to reach your goal, as your orient toward feeling wonderful.
“This approach makes sense for all other areas of your life too. Do you want to give your professional life or maybe your relationship an overhaul? The key is to focus on the energy and joy you desire from your career or relationship, not the fatigue and frustration that you may be experiencing. All too often, people actively create or manifest precisely what they DON’T want because of this deeply ironic confusion.
Flip the negative
When you find your new year goals challenged by anxiety and self-limited beliefs, such as ‘what if… I can’t do it/ what if…. I fail/ what if… I don’t like it’…. ask yourself instead ‘what if… I LOVE it? Then what? What if… this really works for me, what will I do with all the new energy?” What If? If you are going to give credibility to negative beliefs and sit with them as though they are the only possibility, then how about you also give equal credit to their opposite too? You’ll be amazed at how flipping the negative can change your outlook on life.
Step out of your discomfort zone
The notion of stepping out of your comfort zone is nothing new but for many making this leap is often easier said than done. It’s time to view your comfort zone as the very (ironic) thing that is actually making you so uncomfortable. It feels like a safe place of walls and barriers – but it’s actually a self-made prison. I call them discomfort zones and only by finding the thresholds to beyond, to the you who you will become, can you cross those barriers. So focus your 2021 goals on taking these positive risks – changing your career, taking up a new sport or hobby or facing a fear or anxiety head on – can all be achieved by understanding the irony of giving in and staying in your comfort zone.
“2021 is set to be a year of uncertainty and challenges but is also brings with it a great deal of hope and expectation. Whether you choose to start the year with a set of goals or resolutions or you’d rather focus on just taking one day at a time, approaching this new year with a pinch of irony and different mindset could take you on a new and magical journey that knows no bounds.
“Ultimately, we each have a crucial choice. We can choose to remain stuck in our own status-quo, hiding in our (dis)comfort zones or, we can start to ask, What if…?”
Ironic Fundamentalism is available to purchase from Amazon, or www.kirstylucindaallan.com – RRP £24.99.
